Oregonian Editorial Board does rare comedic hit on Jefferson Smith

Rarely do we see the distinguished Oregonian Editorial board engage in comedy or outright satire — much less in a heated Mayor race. To our surprise, The Editorial Board delved into a full blown comedy routine to poke fun at Portland mayor candidate Rep. Jefferson Smith over his seven driver license suspensions, a list that keeps growing every month. SO the Editorial Board did a take on what his Mayor’s car would look like. Read full here, excerpts below. Please comment on Catalyst if you think The Editorial Board has the comedic spin or is it too much?

OREGONIAN: …To protect public dollars — not to mention public life and limbs — we’ve decided to design a prototype of Smith’s official ride. Here are some of the more notable features: …

A custom interlock device. Some DUII offenders must blow into a special gizmo to start their cars. Smith, who already has managed to rack up seven license suspensions, will have to swipe his driver’s license. If he loses his driving privileges again, the car won’t start. Instead, it will pop open a compartment containing emergency walking shoes.

Extra large mirrors. They’ll help Smith spot ambulances and other vehicles with flashing lights, preventing a repeat of his September 2003 citation for failing to yield to an emergency vehicle.

An electronic calendar. If he loses his license again, it’ll ensure that he makes it to the hearing, which he’s failed to do on multiple occasions. He’ll have to schedule this for a time when his chauffeur’s working, though, on account of the license interlock.

A throttle governor. Let’s set it so he can’t exceed the posted speed by more than, say, 18 percent (65 mph in a 55 mph zone). That would have kept him from doing 95 mph in a 55 mph zone, as he did in 1994. Or 69 in a 45, as he did in 1995. Or 80 in a 55, also in 1995. Or 40 in a 25, as he did in 2009.

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  • Fish wrapper bored

    Restoring on deck (deported or departed) columnists like David Reinhard and Doug Bates might float the BoringOnion off the barroom floor and tacking in more fair-and-balanced news bays.

    ‘Off’ course, Capt. Peter ‘Edward John Smith’ Bahtia and ‘assistint’ crew bawls’ steerage toward an iceberg off the port bow maintains an air-heading misalignment.

    Rx: Set the board in a long boat, schlep ’em ashore at the Washington Post pier…save for cartoonist Jack’d Ohman reconsignment to take over the post of Yelli Luckovich at the Atlanta Journal Constipation.

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