Frustration at Oregon DEQ

by Jeff Anderson

The best laid plans.

My lunch hour was to be spent taking my car through DEQ to pass the magic emission test and get new tags. I read the instructions provided by DEQ on how to prepare for my test.

I had all the paperwork ready, I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, brought a blood & urine sample along with driver’s license, passport, proof of address, proof of insurance, registration, title, cash and a happy attitude….attitude is everything.

I was greeted by a cheerful lady as I drove up, she put me through my first quiz, which I passed and she directed me to Lane #3.

After waiting in line, watching cars getting probed up the tailpipe (I’m over 50 so I can sympathize) it was finally my turn.

I exited the car while the attendant plugged in the computer and inserted the tailpipe probe. After he chatted me up, he informed me that I FAILED.

I don’t take failure lightly; I have been studying for this. I had all my paperwork in line and I even took the car in for service, new tires and a full detail just prior to my visit. This is a good solid car, 46,000 miles that I’m going to sell next week. I thought I would be a good guy and get new tags to save the new owner the expense and hassle.

The DEQ employee explained that the reason I failed was because I had the car serviced……apparently if you have your car serviced, tuned and cared for just prior to coming into DEQ it will fail because the computer doesn’t like it. I was advised to “drive around for 5 days and come back….everything should be fine.”

I hope that whoever came up with the idea of DEQ and implementing the ritual of the visits to pay for a tailpipe probe is rewarded with a beautiful vacation in which his room is infested with rabid bedbugs and e coli-ridden welcome treats.