A Gardening Parable

The neighbor I don’t get along with thinks I have given up gardening.

His assumption is based on the fact that he has seen and heard no signs of garden activity in my yard for the past several years. Little does he know that I have not only retained all the technology and supplies necessary to restart my garden, but that I have been acquiring additional garden technology and am seeking more efficient technology for the production of vegetables.

This effort at garden secrecy has been aided by my acquisition two years ago of the technology known as “six foot high fence” to keep my neighbors from spying on my gardening program.

Not only do I still have all the shovels, rakes, hoes for preparing the garden bed, but I recently purchased a rototiller to more efficiently and quickly prepare the garden bed. My neighbor hasn’t seen the rototiller because I’ve kept it in my garage, and if I use it while he’s at work, chances are he’ll never know I have acquired rototiller technology. If I confine my rototilling activity to a weekday afternoon, when all my neighbors are at work, I can conceal my possession of rototiller technology from the entire neighborhood. I’ll just have to keep an eye out for any unusual neighbor activity in the area or my planned garden. Since the neighbors already know I have shovels, rakes and hoes, I’ve told them I’m using them for peaceful landscaping activity.

During the period when I was actively gardening, I acquired many fertilizers and soil amendments designed to increase my vegetable yield. By following publicly available information on soil enrichment and through my own experimentation I have learned how to properly enrich soil for an explosive yield of vegetables. As I still have these fertilizers and soil amendments acquired during my period of active gardening, I do not need to “go public” by resupplying. Most importantly, I have secretly retained my precious stockpile of seeds.

I will also be changing the location of my vegetable garden to an area of my yard not visible to my neighbor, so even if he defeats my use of “six foot high fence” through the use of “stepladder” technology the garden will remain invisible as it grows. I am further aided by the fact that my neighbor relies heavily on his stepson, who makes it no secret that he hates his guts and wishes he had another father, for information on my gardening program. Hell, he hates him so much he’ll probably tell him I have no garden even if he sees it with his own eyes.

My neighbor likely will have no idea I’ve even got a garden until BOOM! — the neighborhood punk I hire to do the deed drops a pile of super potent, highly enriched zucchini right on his doorstep.

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Posted by at 06:00 | Posted in Measure 37 | 25 Comments |Email This Post Email This Post |Print This Post Print This Post
  • Richhard

    so what the moral of the story?

    • Jerry

      If you don’t understand the moral of the story something must be very wrong…it is quite obvious.

  • Jeff


    Think Iran…. they’ve “given up development” of nuclear weapons as well.

  • Anonymous

    That can be applied to anything, just think about it.

  • Gullyborg

    There’s a reason why state secrets are called SECRETS.

    Think about it.

  • dean

    I say lets go ahead and start another war based on whatever speculation we might choose. I mean, 2 ongoing, unresolved wars, 1 trillion dollars and counting, the whole world already hates our guts. Why not go for broke here? Oh…but we are already broke.

    So let’s cut taxes again while we are at it.

    • Steve Plunk

      The whole world of leftists hate our guts. Everybody else wants to move here.

      The wars are resolved we are now trying to teach each of these countries how to live in peace. Don’t you want peace?

      Tax cuts have been shown to increase revenues through growth. Is something wrong with growth?

      With due respect, the tired liberal mantras you are using have lost all credibility many years ago. It’s time for new ideas.

      Tim’s parable is spot on. His thinking always impresses.

      • dean

        Steve…I could reply with “the tired conservative mantra of more wars and tax cuts has lost all credibility, in evidence from the last election and all current polling,” but I won’t.

        The wars are resolved? Really? That is an amazing statement. You should share that opinion with a returning soldier, preferably not a badly wounded one.

        Tax cuts increase revenues? You mean the Laugher (deliberate mispelling there) curve? Lets put it this way. Clinton raised taxes, followed by a period of very robust economic growth and a balanced budget. Roosevelt raised taxes on the rich considerably and the economy went from deep depression to high growth. Reagan and Bush cut taxes and produced massive budget deficits. Then Reagan raised taxes back up a bit and the economy grew.

        Most economists will tell you that our economy is too dang big for anything other than huge tax cuts or very substantial tax raises to have much effect on growth rates one way or the other.

        You want a new idea? Lets try direct negotiations with Iran before we dig our hole any deeper by dropping more bombs and killing people. What are we afraid of. They might insult us?

        • Steve Plunk


          I recently spoke with a returned soldier. The last election didn’t prove anything other than we a nation still split about 50/50 on these issues. Polls prove nothing at all. Growth can occur despite tax increases but we really get growth with tax cuts. Quit assuming we are already bombing Iran. Last I checked we were negotiating while they were sending advanced IEDs across the border to kill our young men. It is they who are quickly offended and respond with death threats.

          I again point out these are old discredited ideas.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, lets cut taxes.


    I like broccoli!

  • anti-dean

    “the whole world already hates our guts”

    “The whole world” hated Reagan and Thatcher. Your world of idiots.

    Dean, you need to get out more. You are just like the Mahattanites who couldn’t believe Bush trounced Gore/Kerry, because nobody THEY knew voted for Bush.

    Just cause YOUR whole world of losers hates Bush, doesn’t mean squat. The fact is that most people love America, and fight hard to get into America.

    “The wars are resolved? Really? That is an amazing statement. You should share that opinion with a returning soldier, preferably not a badly wounded one.”

    Like you even know a single soldier. You liberals detest soldiers, think that only low-life idiots who can’t get into a college, settle for a soldier job (paraphrasing Sen Kerry).

    Soldiers know that the SURGE is working (hence the MSM is silent on that issue), and troops will be starting to be drawn down in a year from now.

    If we followed the Cut-n-Run crowd of Kerry/Murtha who wanted to bail out of Iraq by 12-2006, Iran would own Iraq and it’s oil, Isreal would be wiped off the map, and the world would be approaching WorldWarIII.

    • dean

      Bush trounced Gore/Kerry? I can see your problem with reality is deep. Gore got more votes, except on the Supreme Court. Look it up.

      One of my former students is a soldier and I don’t detest him. I do worry about him. Though I shouldn’t I suppose, because the surge is working and so forth. Time will tell. I hope you are right on that point, but given your track record…

      Cut-n-run by the way is the position of about 70% of America.

      • Jerry

        Could have guessed you were a teacher.

        Pretty nice to only engage with students about 5 hours max each day, have to work only about 175 days max out of the year, have full benefits, nice salary, great retirement, and much of June, all of July, and almost all of August off, plus two weeks at Christmas, one week at spring, every minor holiday off, etc., etc.

        Kinda like you are already retired I would think.

      • Steve Plunk


        Gore got more votes from the Florida Supreme Court and the US Supreme Court ruled against that court’s interference. Later a number of news agencies went back and determined Bush indeed won Florida regardless of the methods of counting. Look it up, to borrow a phrase.

        • dean

          Steve…Gore got more TOTAL VOTES NATIONALLY than Bush. Anti-Dean said Bush “trounced” Gore/Kerry. That is trounced as in losing a football game except for the refs reviewing a replay of the final 2 point conversion and then reversing their decision.

          I accept the analysis of the mainstream media papers, whom the right wing normally distrusts that the recount would have Bush would winning Florida. (Though their analysis discounted the confusing butterfly ballots that caused 3500 liberals to mark Buchannon instead of Gore. Factor those in and Gore did get more votes in Florida).

          Do you accept the mainstream media analysis on global warming? On the war in Iraq? On countless issues that contradict conservative beliefs? No need to answer those rhetorical questions.

          The nation was and is divided roughly 30/30/30 in my estimate. The 30 in the middle have mixed politics, and can vote one way or the other depending on which issues are front and center and which major party seems to be more on top of things. You are correct that polls prove nothing until the next votes are cast. Still, if I were a “conservative” I would feel that things are slipping away on many levels, locally, nationally, and internationally.

          Jerry…you are overly drawing conclusions again based on small bits of evidence. Let me clarify for you. I am a PART TIME university teacher. Low pay, no benefits, no paid time off. I am also a part time farmer, even worse pay. A part time writer, often for no pay at all. And a full time self-employed consultant. Better pay when I can drum up sufficient work, but no paid time off, no benefits.

          Retired? Not hardly Jerry. But thanks for the thought.

      • Sybella

        Not hard to tell you’re a teacher, glad you weren’t mine. I wanted to learn something and I did. Political ideas were not what we were taught, but history was, so was economics.

      • anti-dean

        Yes, Gore got more popular votes, by about 3million. Look up the Electoral College, you idiotic, socialist teacher. The vote that counts is the EC, which has a deadline to submit your votes, which the Supremes said that the deadline will be honored (can’t keep counting until you like the answer).

        Yes, Kerry lost by 3million popular votes, which don’t matter.

        You are a member of the GoreLooserMan, KerryLooserMan club.

        • dean

          Syb…if you did not study landscape architecture or ecological restoration you would not have had to suffer through my lectures and reading assignments. Count yourself lucky.

          Anti…your alias says it all. Whatever I say you say otherwise, which makes thinking actually unecessary, but lets not go there.

          Your man Bush is competing to become the most reviled President this nation has ever had, and I’m proud of my Kerry and Gore votes, but sad for the nation and world that those elections turned out as they did. Bush has dug a deep hole that will take a decade or more to dig our way out of, and 08 can’t come soon enough.

          • anti

            So I’m wrong about the Electoral College? …about the Supremes?

            What do you teach? Sad state of public, union dominated schools.

            Of course I say the opposite of you. You are an ignoramous, without real knowledge, just BDS moonbat spiel.

  • Anonymous

    “Bush is competing to become the most reviled President this nation has ever had”

    You mean more reviled by you lefties than Reagan?

    Perhaps you mean more reviled than the hands-down winner not only of the title “worst president ever” (who’d have tnunk anyone would ever outdo Harding or Nixon) but also “worst ex-presiddnt ever,” that hero of the left Jimmy Carter. Even Nixon had the grace to keep his mouth shut after his presidency, despite what must have been incredible temptation during the Carter presidency.

    You guys need to get a new mantra. You were spouting the same “world hates us” crap when he was president. Rational Americans don’t care what the tin pot dictators of the world and their leftist dupes think.

    Re: “direct negotiations with Iran,” it never ceases to amaze me that there are people foolish enough to believe that this is a viable option. These dirtbags have been at war with us since 1979. They are the primary funders of terrorism in the middle east and have been the source of the vast majority of funding and training for terrorism in Iraq since the remnants of the B’aathists were rounded up three years ago.

    Iran is the single reason things in Iraq and Afganistan remain “unsettled.”

    I also seem to recall that you lefties weren’t exactly thrilled tne last time we negotiated directly with Iran.

    • dean

      Bush’s succesful effort at becoming the worst of the worst has nothing to do with me or “the left”. Read the polls.

      Reagan is God to the right wing, and the devil to we lefties, true enough. But what we think doesn’t matter. What does the other 1/3 think? I’m not up on that, but I would expect he may be regarded slightly above the median.

      Carter was a lousy President, great ex-President in my view and the view of a whole lot of others. Nixon did not “keep his mouth shut.” Its just that no one asked him his opinion because he was persona non grata for undermining our democracy. He did write several interesting books on foriegn policy after his resignation, so he had his say regardless.

      Reagan and Bush Sr, both did quite well on the private speaking circuit and earned millions raking in fees from corporate fat cats after their terms. I suppose that is better than the Carter Peace Institute and Habitat for Humanity in your world.

      Your “leftist dupes” include large majority populations of every democratic nation in the world, i.e. our “allies”. You dismiss them with the same tone Bush uses, and this is exactly why we are in the mess we are in. We can’t maintain world leadership if all we do is piss everybody off by breaking things, killing people, or threatening to.

      We negotiated directly with the Soviet Union for the entire cold war. We recently negotiated with North Korea (after trying everything else) and they laid down their nukes. Yes, Iran is a problem for us, but not negotiating does not seem to be getting us anywhere, and if you want to see a lot more IEDs in Iraq killing our soldiers then go ahead and bomb Iran.

      Your thinking that Iran is the “single reason” things are “unsettled’ in Iraq and Afganistan is astounding. Do you really think al Queda and Iraqi Sunnis are allied with Iran? The Taliban hate the Iranians and vice versa. Where in the world do you get your information?

      By removing the Taliban and Saddam, overseeing the election of a Shiite government in Iraq, and by refusing to do a thing about our use of imported oil, Bush has made Iran stronger than ever. Now we have to deal with them from our own position of weakness and theirs of increased strength. Like I said, deep hole.

      The last time we negotiated with Iran? You mean Reagan trading advanced weapons for hostages? That was brilliant on his part don’t you think? If a liberal had done that you would have called for his or her head, and rightly so.

  • anonB

    “We negotiated directly with the Soviet Union for the entire cold war.”

    As somebody who lived in the Soviet block during the 60s and 70s, we negotiated from strength with Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford and Reagan. Carter was worthless, harmfull, and a joke.

    The lesson learned was, be strong, act strong, and be not afraid to use force. The USSR, Syria, North Korea learned without being deposed. Iraq learned with our use of force.

    Carter and Clinton (and Bush41, to some extent) were people of appeasement. (B41 should have made Saddam pay dearly back in1991).

    Democrats are surrenderers. The give up and whine. Republicans are leaders. You follow their lead, or pay the price.

  • Another Anonymous Wanker

    “refusing to do a thing about our use of imported oil”

    Republicans have been proposing comprehensive energy legislation since 1974, but the Senate D’s have blocked every initiative that is not simply raising gas taxes, incresing mileage standards on domestic autos, and creating huge subsidies for Archer Daniels Midland in the form of incredibly inefficient corn based biofuels (admittedly, this last is bipartisan idiocy).

    A real energy policy (like the ones repeatedly propsed by Republicans) would combine more drilling for oil, nuclear breeder reactors, R&D funding for photovoltaics and the use of cellulose based biofuels that require none of the intensive fertilization and water usage of corn and where one gallon of petrochemicals can produce as much as 35 gallons of biofule (as opposed to the pathetic 1.3 gallons that can be produced with the same input using corn).

    The idiot left and it’s congressinal minions, however, will do everything they can to prevent us from drilling offshore (even as the Chinese side drill test holes from international waters into our oil reserves) or building nuclear reactors.

    Using logic only a leftist could appreciate they do everything they can to prevent the replacement of old reactors that produce enormous amunts of waste with new breeder reactors that not only produce almost no waste, but can consume the waste produced by old style reactors.

    • dean

      Anons one and all…

      The point is that we negotiated with the USSR even while we both had thousands of warheads aimed and ready to wipe out all life on earth at the drop of a hat. We never attacked them, nor they us. They financed terrorists against us the whole time, as we did against them. What makes Iran different other than they are far weaker?

      My theory is that we don’t negotiatew with Iran because we think we can bully them into doing what we want. We negotiated with the USSR because we could not bully them. But Bush overplayed the bully card and we are left with negotiations as the only sane option, garden analogies aside.

      On energy…you just had 12 years of Republicans running congress and the past 7 with the white house. All that time, even discounting the 12 years of Reagan and Bush 1, and you could not get a bill passed to increase drilling for diminishing domestic oil, nor for increased nukes? And it is the fault of “the idiot left?” Please. Take some responsibility for the failure of your own political leadership. Don’t lay it on others.

      How much oil do you think there is offshore USA that is not already being drilled for? Enough to make Iran, Saudi Arabia and Venezuela irrelevant? You inhabit a dream world my friend.

      As for nuclear power…okay, who’s backyard are you going to store highly radioactive waste in for the next 100,000 years, and how many backyards are you going to transport that waste through? Breeder reactors are a great idea if we want to produce more plutonium. Bin Laden would like us to do that, because every bit more gives him a greater chance to get his hands on some and make 9-11 look like a frat party.

      R& D funding is a good idea, but we already have the means to gain energy independence. It is called conservation, combined with solar, wind, and other technologies. Portland has had zero increase in fossil fuel burning in the past 17 years in spite of a huge increase in population. I could say “the idiot right keeps pretending we can have sprawl, oversized personal vehicles, and more freeways AND energy independence,” but I won’t.

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