The 15 Top Ways for Oregonians to Spend their Stimulus Money

1. Buy rice, corn, or gasoline and hoard.
2. Donate to the PSU search committee so they can find at least one more candidate.
3. Buy annual passes for TriMet and save!
4. Play more video poker — the state needs the money.
5. Put a down payment on a new Monaco Motor Coach and help save jobs in Oregon.
6. Buy a new Made in the USA bike and ride, baby, ride. Then donate to the Save Sauvie Bridge for Bikes effort with the remaining cash.
7. Contribute to Hillary Clinton for President. Her own 109 million dollars is simply not enough.
8. Contribute to Obama’s campaign because change is always good.
9. Contribute to McCain’s campaign because mavericks can be fun.
10. Donate to help save the Central Oregon & Pacific Railroad.
11. Buy a sea lion trap and lend a hand to the salmon.
12. Donate to the effort to make Eastern Oregon our 51st state.
13. Donate to help unionize foster parents.
14. Donate to the effort to try and locate Ted Kulongoski.
15. Buy up all the Thomas Kemper soda you can to preserve the last of the brews with high fructose corn syrup.