The Portland Timbers and Oregon Timber: Irony

by Bill Post

This past Saturday night, I went with my good friend Allen Alley to my first Portland Timbers game..er.. match. It was not only my first Timber’s match but first soccer match period. Let me preface by saying: I HATE SOCCER. Now, for the 13 people that will be insulted by that statement let me say this: I HATE SOCCER. I believe it is ruining our youth and turning them away from the perfect sport, the sport of God…….BASEBALL and it is a Communist attempt to infiltrate America by brainwashing our youth….. (I digress, sorry)

My friend wanted me to open my mind and see if maybe I was wrong. He would teach me the ins and outs of this game from a long time fan, player and coach’s perspective. By midway through the game..er.. match, I had a very good grasp and understood exactly what was going on. That is not the point of this article though. The point of this article is to illustrate the irony of the Portland Timbers game…er…match setting.

Irony number one: The stadium is named for Jeld Wen Windows and Doors. You can observe their signs and doors and logo and billboards all over the stadium and I love that. It’s capitalism at its best. That is irony number one though. If you were to take a poll of the fans at a Timbers game…er..match, I believe you would find that in my estimation, the vast majority are “left leaning” or at the least, very Democrat. Do they know that Jeld Wen is one of the MOST Conservative companies, politically, in Oregon?

Irony number two: The Timber’s Army and their mascot. These are soccer crazed fans who sit in one of the end zones, dressed in all of their team’s apparel and cheering and singing and generally behaving as good soccer fans behave, and that I have NO problem with.

What is the irony then? One of the things they cheer the most for is a goal of course. A Timber’s goal scored means Timber Joey!

Timber Joey is the mascot, a long since obscure in Oregon logger. He has his cork boots, his cut short jeans, suspenders and the old steel helmet. He wields a huge chainsaw the he regularly revs up to get the Army excited. When a goal is scored, he cuts off a great big slab from a log. Cool huh? I thought it was. The irony is that, again just guessing here, the vast majority of the Army, being from Portland, a VERY anti-timber city, don’t get that Timber Joey represents what once was the major industry and creator of jobs in Oregon: Timber. Harvesting and replanting trees of which this state has an abundance of! Those very fans cheering Timber Joey with his chainsaw would NEVER think of allowing Joey to go out into the forests of Oregon and actually use that chainsaw for what it was meant for!

I have been told that the Timbers generously plant a tree for every goal scored (and every slab of that dead tree Joey cuts off). That is very nice. How about instead, the Timbers allow the timber industry of Oregon to harvest 100 acres of forest for every goal instead? That way, several thousand good folks from the rural parts of Oregon, who currently have no money to go to a soccer game…err..match because they have no jobs, no mills and their schools are shutting down, might be able to find jobs, open mills and continue a way of life that lasted for 150 years in Oregon. Yes, I realize I am crazy and yes I realize the Timbers have no say in whether timber harvesting happens or not in Oregon, but I sure do wish the children at the Timber’s game..er…match could be told the truth about that big old log and what it means to those of us who live outside of the comforts of Portland.

Go Timbers! Go Logging!

Catch The Bill Post Radio Show every day at noon on AM 1430 KYKN, listen live on the Internet or listen to replays at http://www.bpshow.com

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Posted by at 05:00 | Posted in Natural Resources, Timber Joey | 34 Comments |Email This Post Email This Post |Print This Post Print This Post
  • Rupert in Springfield

    I am not much of a sports guy – frankly roller derby and any kind of car racing are it for me, but I agree with you on soccer. In fact you had me with the soccer line all the way until baseball. Ok – Now I have heard that minor league baseball is very different from major league in that it is humanly possible to stay awake for a game. Maybe that’s what you are talking about. But major league baseball? I think by law it should only be televised after 11PM so at least it would be of benefit to insomniacs.

  • Robert Huffman

    You should try talking to some of us in the Timbers Army before you make assumptions about political views. The Timbers Army is about soccer, not politics, and I think you would find the army surprisingly diverse. If I were forced to make generalizations, I would say they are much more libertarian than your average Portlander or Oregonian.

    That being said, thanks for coming to the game and giving soccer a shot. (By the way, it’s ok if you call it a game.)

  • Bob Clark

    Soccer is very, very boring as far as I am concerned.  Back and forth, Back and forth, for an hour or more and frequently without any real results towards determining victor.  Basketball, baseball and American football (as epitomized by the great and entertaining national football league) at least exude some strategy combined with various ways to score points.

    This said, I am glad the city of Portland hasn’t wasted a billion dollars or so on sports stadiums.  Portland wasted millions on Jeld Wen and before it civic stadium, but it could have been a whole lot worse. 

  • Reper

    Is not Football rather than Baseball the true American sport nowadays?

    • Manabouttown

      Baseball it is – not football.
      Football is just a bastardization of soccer, a girlie sport.

  • valley person

     “How about instead, the Timbers allow the timber industry of Oregon to harvest 100 acres of forest for every goal instead?”

    How would this work exactly Bill? Do the Timbers regulate forest practices in Oregon?

    Do conservatives like yourself understand that the timber industry is actually still quite alive in Oregon, and we even still have loggers with cork boots and very large chain saws?

    And anyway, would we name a soccer team the “lattes?”  Or the “sushis?” Or the “arty bike racks?” Naw.

    • The Bill Post Radio Show

       VP: you apparently, as most liberals, took ONE line out and somehow, I am not sure how, you missed this line: “yes I realize the Timbers have no say in whether timber harvesting happens or not in Oregon”
      I’m not stupid, it’s an opinion piece, not legal paper.
      Get a life and GO Sushieaters!!

      • valley person

         My humble apologies. “Go Rainwater Gardeners!”

  • supernicole

    Nevermind all the pre-judgement in your “article”, the logs used for matches are salvaged (which in case you didn’t know means they “were cut down for either safety, diseases or right of way”. There was/is no clear-cutting that occurs for any goals. Here is one source straight from Timber Joey’s mouth, see the 19th minute: https://www.portlandtimbers.com/video/2012/03/09/timbers-30-mar-9-2012-season-premiere

    You never said whether or not you still “HATE SOCCER”, it’s ok if you do, it sounds like you didn’t really watch the match anyway. We are not insulted that you HATE SOCCER, we are happy that you won’t be coming to another game. Your friend is on to something, you really should open your mind a bit… communists aren’t so bad.

  • Ramalama

    Bill,

    Do you realize that timber jobs declined in the 1980s, even though timber was being harvested at record levels? Did you complain about job-killing automation or job-killing raw log exports?

    Have you ever heard of the town of Valsetz? It was shut down by the timber company that owned it in 1984, before the Spotted Owl became an issue.

    • Ramalama

      Crickets…

  • Goalie

    I agree that soccer is for sissy men and is an European “sport” that has no business here in the USA.

  • Owly

    Trees are alive just like people. They have feelings, too, and that has been proven.
    To cut them like a crop is simply wrong.
    What is wrong with a home made of bricks?
    And don’t get me started on the owls. They have a right to live in peace in the woods without having their habitat ruined by corporate  greed and lust.

  • Hugger

    What tree died so they could do this moronic “celebration”. I am ashamed to be an Oregonian.

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