We join Therri and Benton from Eugene as they drive their new Smart from Costco with the month’s shopping. They are not happy.
“Benton, where are we going to put all this stuff? You never told me the Smart didn’t have any room for our groceries and other supplies,” sighs Therri. “I was so happy they had someone who did not come in to pick up their reserved car and they let us have it!”
“Therri,” Benton says sadly, “we only got the car because your father loaned us $2,500 for the dealer mark-up. I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to accept any more money from him.”
“Well, we did agree to that, but when you sold the Volvo to that nice man from Cave Junction with the tie-dye pants, we no longer had a car. We had to do something. If you hadn’t sent the Obama campaign $1500 more we might have been able to swing it without my father helping us again,” says Therri.
“Anyway, I like the Smart and I am glad we got it, but how are we going to get all this stuff home?” Therri questions Benton. “This thing may get pretty good mileage and allow us to get even with Big Oil, but it sure seems smaller than it did in the showroom.”
“Well, we can either call a cab or call your dad,” says Benton.
“I am not calling a cab!” shouts Therri. “Dad can come and help us in his Escalade — that thing is huge and has plenty of room to hold our stuff. I’ll give him a call.”
“OK, but while you call I am going to text message the Obama campaign to let them know how happy I am with their latest attacks on Sarah Palin — you know, the Jesus was a community organizer and Pontius Pilate was a governor thing,” says Benton. “That is the smartest type of criticism I have heard yet from this campaign. The more we can spread this the better. If we can simply show the people of America that Obama is like Jesus and Sarah is like that bad man Pontius Pilate, we will win this election in a landslide! I am going to order two buttons with that on it and maybe a couple t-shirts for us to wear.”
“But I thought Democrats stood firmly for separation of church and state. Now they are comparing their candidate to Jesus?” asks Therri. “How can that make any sense? Besides, I thought there was ample evidence Barry grew up in a non-Christian environment. How can he be Jesus? Would he even want to be Jesus?”
Benton suggests, “Therri — it is just a metaphor. Obama would never mix religion with politics. But don’t you get it? It slams Sarah by reminding everyone that the evil Pontius Pilate was a governor. I don’t think Jesus was actually a community organizer, but it is still a great line and should help push the undecideds our way.”
“Well, OK, if you like it, “Therri says resignedly. “But something else is bothering me, too. I heard that while Barry was in Iraq he actually pleaded with the Iraqi leadership not to agree to any troop withdrawals before the election. If they don’t, as he pleaded, this is going to make sure our brave men and women are in Iraq longer than they need to be just for political reasons. I can’t believe he would do that. I simply can’t believe it.”
“It happended, though,” says Benton. “It is masterful. If the Iraqis argree to any troop drawdowns now Bush will get the credit and we can’t have that. If Barry wins the election and then negotiates the troop withdrawals he can get all the credit. Don’t you think that is worth more than the lives of our servicemen and women who will now have to stay in Iraq until at least 2012?”
“2012!” screams Therri. “I thought we were voting for Barry to get them out NOW! Not four years or more from now. Man, this is really strange. Everything this guy stood for and said he would do is now off the table. The tax increases he promised are on hold, the troops coming home are on hold, he keeps changing his mind about everything! Universal health care will be on hold, too, if the tax increases are on hold. What has this guy promised that he hasn’t backed off from?”
“Tell you what, Benton,” Therri says dismissively, “Why don’t you just order one button and one t-shirt. I don’t want to wear anything supporting this guy right now. He doesn’t seem like someone who knows what he is doing and he sure doesn’t seem like someone I can trust.”
“Look, here comes Daddy with the Escalade. Help me load this stuff up, will you?”