Oregon’s Governor Looks to Communist China for Help

Oregon’s brave, proud, strong, world-citizen governor has ventured off to Communist China for help with his bold battle against global warming and for living wages.

November has been one of the coolest months on record in many parts of the United States. Snowfall amounts are double the norm. It is cold out there and by golly, our governor is doing something about it. If he succeeds we may be able to break even more records for cold temperatures and snowfall. Oregon’s unemployment is sky rocketing, but our minimum wage is high if you can land such a position. Great times. Good times. Thanks to Ted — the best of times.

However, I digress. The real news here is that our Democratic governor, brave and strong as he is, has traveled to a communist nation to beg them to allow us to buy their battery-powered cars rather than cars built in the USA. This man, a great advocate of unions, living wages, high minimum wages, work rules, work safety, and a soldier in the fierce battle against global warming wants Oregonians to buy cars made by people who average $0.72 per hour in a country with no pollution controls! They are paid less than one tenth our minimum wage. That’s right – they are paid less per hour than just the increase of our minimum wage in the past three years! I guess that’s what the governor calls a “living” wage. $0.72 per hour. No robots in that factory. The people are the robots. Just like the Olympics. Beautiful. Wonderful. Amazing. Everyone as one. Perfect. Simply perfect.

I propose that Oregon roll back its minimum wage to what China pays its autoworkers. The governor quite obviously has no problem with that wage. He wants these Chinese cars in Oregon and he wants them here fast. Tax credits, plug-in stations, tax bonuses for home car chargers — whatever it takes, this strong, brave governor is ready to pull the trigger and get it done. He is to be applauded for his wisdom and strength. Not many governors from states as Democratic as Oregon would openly push for measures that will strengthen a communist nation, weaken worker rights, increase global pollution, and bring poisonous, highly damaging, shoddily-made, battery-powered cars to our shores.

This man is a pillar of strength. We must all join him in his efforts to make Oregon colder. The photo of Kulongoski in the Communist Chinese-built F3DM reminds us of the powerful image of Mike Dukakis on the tank turret. Both men know who they are and they are tough, big men. Ready to handle any emergency. Just ask them.

The Communist Chinese have killed our pets (bad pet food — how did that happen?), poisoned our children (lead in the toys — how did that happen?), killed their own babies (diluted and poisoned milk — how did that happen?). Now they want to sell us perfect little hybrid cars. No lead in the paint, all the connections to the air bags secure, and no poison in the seat cushion filler. Trust Ted — they would never do that to us.

I am pre-ordering mine today. I am pre-filing for my tax break. I am installing a charger station in my garage and at work. I am taking lessons on how to drive the thing. I will be ready for that glorious day when I pick up my brand new Communist Car and proudly hit the road, all in the name of workers’ rights and global warming.

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Posted by at 05:04 | Posted in Measure 37 | 11 Comments |Email This Post Email This Post |Print This Post Print This Post
  • Rupert in Springfield

    This little trip was probably less about Ted begging for cars and more about it being just a little too long since his last vacation. Seriously, do you really have to travel all the way to China to ask them to sell you something? Ted’s the governor of a small state whose fiscal house is in the toilet. The Chinese know that. Not a lot of wheeling and dealing he can do to replace the states motor pool with some sort of first generation electric car crap coming from that weak position. Ted knows that and he knows the Chinese know it as well.

    Ted wanted a nice little junket, pure and simple. I wouldn’t read a lot more into this.

    So eat up Teddy, enjoy the Dim Sum!

    Those of us with jobs will be working away to pay for your dreaming.

    Those of us without jobs will be laying in a hammock waving bye bye to those formerly Oregon companies riding off into the sunrise.

    Hey, maybe that’s a new Lottery game you could start Ted? Pick the next company to move to South Carolina. You cold have odds, the whole schmeal.

  • Rupert in Springfield

    Mr. Ted, so glad to meet you and your illustrious entourage. Welcome to China.

    Thank you President Hu, Premier Wen your country is just lovely and I am so glad to be here.

    And your nature preserve, Oregon, is equally beautiful, both of us have toured its glory when we visited you last.

    Well, I’m glad you liked it Hu, Wen. Hopefully my aids showed you a good time.

    Yes, so many strip clubs, we loved it.

    Well, I mean the scenic beauty.

    Of course Mr. Ted, no preserve in all of your country can match Oregon’s beauty.

    Would you knock it off with the nature preserve stuff Hu and Wen. We are a state.

    You are a funny man Mr. Ted. 52% of your land is owned by the government and what is not has its primary zoning goal of preserving open space and curtailing development. That is a nature preserve, not a state Mr. Ted.

    Ya gotta a point there. Ok, could you please stop calling me Mr. Ted?

    This is China, you expect us to pronounce your last name? No one in America can pronounce that jumble of letters that, when thrown together, looks more like a Chinese character than anything else.


    Besides, you are the one goofing on the Hu and Wen thing. Who? When? Ha Ha, big joke to you.

    Sorry again, I beg forgiveness.

    That’s right you sure do…..and now the first round of drinks and dim Sum and then perhaps you can start groveling in earnest Mr. T…E….D?

    Sounds like a plan Mr. Hu.

    Ahh, you are learning Ted, good boy.

    We want to work out a deal for some of your electric cars, where can we start?

    Work out a deal? Are you crazy Mr. Ted? Your state is bankrupt. You don’t even have wood any more. As far as we can see your main export is used cars with “Free Tibet” bumper stickers all over them, what are we going to do with that?

    Well, I was thinking more of some sort of a sister country/state program Mr. Wen, your Excellency.

    What does that mean? That sounds stupid, so I guess that’s why you layered on the extra groveling, which was good.

    Well, it means we would have an exchange program with our universities, your people would get in state tuition.

    Mr. Ted, the last thing we need is a bunch of our kids coming home with a bunch of Grateful Dead CD’s, which we made here in the first place, and knowledge of nothing more than how to make beer and grow pot.

    Ok, how about this Hu…..”track town USA”, you guys get free passes to all the Ducks games and to our world renowned track and field events.

    THAT’S MR….Hu you ignorant simpleton who is starting to not grovel with any sort of sufficiency to equal your lowliness.

    Ok, Mr. Hu, sorry your perfectness.

    Mr. Ted, this is China, we just had the Olympics, we invented gymnastics, and no one knows what the hell football is all about except for the fact we know Michael Jordan is not on your team so we don’t care.


    Mr. Ted, let us be honest. No matter how good your groveling, you have nothing of value to us, and no money to really negotiate anything. We are not interested in accepting bonds from you for rebuilding McDonalds basketball court or anything else you may have to offer. You have nothing.

    You are right Mr. Hu, Mr. Wen. My foolishness is only magnified by the distance I traveled to express it to you.

    Got that right Mr. Ted. As far as electric cars and any sort of a deal, here is a twelve pack of nine volt batteries….. on the house….. that is the best we can do.

    Can we still have the Dim Sum?

    Of course Mr. Ted…………and now let us enjoy our mutual ties which are limited economically to a bunch of nine volts, but culturally may be similar. GUARDS…Bring in those dancing girls from Portland and the exotic hairy ones from Eugene. MR. TED…..MEMBERS OF MR. TEDS PATHETIC ENTOURAGE….ITS NOW OFFICIALLY “WHO LET THE DOGS OUT TIME”……..LETS PARTY!!!!!

  • Dave Porter

    The US-China relationship is the most important bilateral relationship in the 21st century. China is rising, and may supplant the US as the globe’s dominant superpower by the end of the century. China’s economy is poised to be as large as the US economy in 2035 and twice as large in 2050. Whether we can live in peace with them and whether their political system will evolve into something respecting human, political rights and the rule of law are profound questions for our next generations. What kind of future our children have will depends to a large degree on what kind of future they have with China. You can rightly criticize, and make fun of, both China and Governor Kulongoski, but I do not sense that you have thought about the profound issues at stake nor that you have anything constructive to suggest.

    • Jerry

      Oh, Dave, I guess you are right. It makes perfect sense to travel to a communist nation and beg to buy their inferior products. Sorry, I guess I was confused. Without really smart people like you I am not sure what I would do.
      Thanks very much for helping me see that we MUST embrace the communists before it is too late.
      And save the earth, too. Have you noticed how warm it is out there?

      • Dave Porter

        Jerry, what exactly are you proposing? That we totally ignore 1.3 billion people, 20% of the global population? That our leaders not visit China, or get to know Chinese leaders, or try to figure out if there are ways the two countries can live together without war? That we not buy anything from China because all their products are inferior and ever more will be so? Or are produced by slave labor? That we not sell to China for fear of giving away our technology and trade secret? That we just let them build one or more old-fashioned coal power plant per week while we deny that the globe might be warming?
        I am not for embracing them. I am for engaging them in as many ways as possible. That means recognizing all their problems and faults, and the risks they pose to us, and trying to find ways to reduce those risks.

        • Jerry

          Here is exactly what I am saying:

          If your dog died because of the Chinese you would not feel the way you do.
          If your child died because of the Chinese you would not feel the way you do.
          If you died because of the Chinese you would, of course, feel nothing.

          Many have died because of the Chinese – I am not making this stuff up – so one must recognize them for what they are. A large, communist nation, with miseable human rights, shoddy workmanship, and the willingness to kill humans and animals to make money.

          I don’t want such people as my friends, partners, or whatever other euphemism you wish to use.

          Plus, in regard to your inane comment about letting them build another coal plant. Do you really think we can stop them?? Will they change their ways if we ask them nicely? Or if we buy their cheap little plug-in cars? I think you know the answer…I guess, using your logic, we could have avoided WWII by talking with the Germans, buying their cheap little cars, asking them not to do bad things, and simply engaging them about these profound issues as you so wisely propose we do with the Communist Chinese.

          Maybe you should re-read my article. I was not making fun of anyone. I said Ted was brave, proud, and strong. What about that don’t you understand? It takes guts to be so openly misguided on the world stage. I salute Ted for his courage.

          Hope you get a chance to visit China soon – it is too important a trip to put off any longer. We must come to know them as brothers. We must begin today.

          Let me know how it goes over there and thanks for taking the lead.

          • dean

            Jerry…China stopped being comunist a long time ago. They are not a democracy, but there are far worse regimes that we do business with, like Saudi Arabia to name just one.

    • Rupert in Springfield

      Hmmm, well, why not end Chinas ascendance? Why not curtail or eliminate their leverage over us that they can exercise with their buying of our debt? Wouldn’t we want to do that? I mean after all, China is almost as bad as George Bush on human rights aren’t they?

      How would we do this?

      Real simple, cut the deficit. Eliminate it, overnight. Stop China from gaining more and more leverage over us through their buying of our debt.

      This would be fairly simple. Eliminate, means test or cut back across the board on all entitlements. SS, Medicare and Medicaid. That’s 40% of the budget right there, the legacy of our biggest spending presidents, LBJ and FDR. We as a country have absolutely no obligation to maintain these programs at a level that is clearly destructive.

      That’s the choice. Do we want our country or do we want these programs? Do we want to reconsider some of the mistakes of the past, or continue the budgetary auto pilot these entitlements are on?

      Our tax rate is predicted to be 80% in a generation.

      Who will this 80% tax rate be paying? China, who holds our debt.

      You have a problem with slave labor? Child labor?

      Well, take a good look at your kids, your grandkids, you just sold them into 80% slavery to pay for your stupid entitlements granny.

      Refusal to reform and instead saddling our children with crushing debt, ruining their future is no different than prostituting them right now on a street corner to pay the cable TV bill.

      Obama a few weeks ago seemed to hint at some sort of means testing for some of this crap. Good for him. Means test now, means test all of it. Do it immediately and don’t look back.

      • dean

        Brilliant strategy. Eliminate the deficit overnight? Cut funds for voting dodderers by 40%? You are nostalgic for the Great Depression?

        Every reputable economist except Arthur Laffer is advocating massive deficit spending for the next 2 years or more to keep us from sliding into a depression. Hoover balanced the budget at teh onset of the 30s. You really want to repeat that strategy?

        And China, while no place for a democratic picnic, ceased being “communist” quite some time ago. It is a state directed capitalist nation now, and quite successful at this game economically.

        • Jerry

          And China’s “success” is due entirely to no environmental controls, wages at 30 cents an hour or less for most, no health care, no safety standards, poor materials, poor housing, poor food, etc.
          Anyone can succeed under conditions like those. Anyone.

          How nice to learn they are no longer communists. I really appreciate the update.

          • dean

            Jerry….so you are now advocating that China adopt a minimum (or even living) wage, universal health insurance, government regulation of the workplace, government regulation of building codes, government inspection of food…maybe even private sector unions, etc?

            Yet all this time I thought you were arguing against all these government issued nanny-state systems that we in the United States added only gradually and after much effort from our left wing.

            Anyway Jerry….I agree with you. Welcome to my world.

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