The Oregonian Moves Me in the Morning

The Oregonian Moves Me in the Morning
By John Wright

There is nothing more entertaining than the Oregonian in the morning. I particularly commend to your attention the regular front page Loony Liberal of the Day piece. These masterpieces of hard hitting journalism are a great window into the mindset of the Oregonian and the Keep Oregon Weird crowd that it panders to. We were recently regaled with the inside scoop on the hottest prospects to replace Mayor Tom Potter.

Potential mayoral candidates Sam Adams and Bob Ball had a spat in which Mr. Ball tells City Commissioner Randy Leonard and former Mayor Vera Katz that Sam Adams had a “relationship” with a 17 year old boy intern named Beau Breedlove (I am not making this up), which Mr. Adams and Mr. Beau deny.

Adams says he was “mentoring” the boy. Mr. Ball, certified smart by the Oregonian, says he reported to Ms. Katz, three years after the act, because he is a reserve police officer and has a duty to report child abuse.

According to Adams, it was all very innocent. But Adams doesn’t bother to tell us why he decided to “mentor” a minor about anything, much less why, as a gay man, he is mentoring a male child about his sexuality, without talking to the child’s parents. Can you imagine the response if Governor Goldschmidt had claimed to “mentor” a female child about her sexuality? The Oregonian doesn’t think anything is out of the ordinary, and never has, so why should we.

And Mr. Randy doesn’t come out looking so good either. He’s quoted as saying, “As long as I’ve been doing this stuff [politics], and keep in mind that I started in union politics, I’ve never felt so dirty. I’ve told Bob, ‘You’re not running for mayor. You’re not running for City Council. You’re done.’ ”

Do tell Randy. When do you suppose the Oregonian will do a follow up on dirty union politics? Maybe a nice piece about how your favorite public employee union uses your mandatory union contribution for political purposes without your consent. Don’t hold your breath. That’s not what the Oregonian does.

The Loony Liberal piece is much more in keeping with the Oregonian’s new style. Having axed Mr. Ball’s political carrier in favor of Mr. Adams, the Oregonian does a kiss and make up piece for Mr. Ball.

“Ball isn’t the Machiavellian political conniver that some claim. He’s smart and sweet and incredibly, painfully, sometimes dangerously naive about the way the world works — a sort of Peter Pan of the Pearl District who rode the city’s condo boom to wealth and, in insular Portland, a measure of fame. . . .”

Ball can seem a lot younger than 41, whether he’s talking about his two failed efforts to change the city’s form of government or his 23-year-old life partner, Grant Jones.

About Jones, whom he met at Starbucks two years ago: “˜He’s so cute and so sweet. He’s just the best.'”

Although Mr. Ball is described as the brightest person to ever come from Knappa, Oregon, he says, “”I’d honestly never even heard of college,” he said. “When they told me that [about college], I didn’t know what they were talking about.”

In the Oregonian’s world, this is a very complementary news piece and it generally views Mr. Adams and Mr. Ball as qualified to run our fair city.

My suggestion is that we run our own Beaux Breedlove for mayor. Volunteers are requested. Name changes are cheap and fast. It’s a name that is so cute and so sweet, it is just the best, and the Oregonian has already endorsed the theme. Here’s the lawn sign:

Beaux Breedlove
Incredibly, Painfully
Dangerously Naïve &
Desperately Vulnerable

Thanks to the Eric Sten Political Reform Act, the whole campaign can be paid for with public money, and who would mind, since no one at City Hall seems to have a better idea of what to do with all that cash. I am picturing a sort of young, artsy, Tom Jones with hair gel on a bike. Let’s all get behind Beaux. He is the perfect candidate for the politically correct.