Let’s Talk Turkey – with Uncle Sam


By Steve Buckstein

On this Thanksgiving I have to give credit to The Blaze for alerting me to a serious issue of public concern. Apparently the U.S. government, in its collective wisdom, believes that Americans need its help to purchase, prepare, and eat the traditional holiday turkey.

The United States Department of Agriculture is devoting resources (read, your tax dollars and/or some of the nearly $17 trillion federal debt) to maintain a website called Let’s Talk Turkey—A Consumer Guide to Safely Roasting a Turkey. On it, you’ll find some helpful, and some less than helpful, tips that apparently your government doesn’t think you can find on any of the thousands of sites a quick Google search on turkey preparation will reveal before your eyes.

Sites hosted privately by the likes of Safeway, Butterball, and even the Mayo Clinic apparently aren’t sufficient to give you the reliable information you need on this significant national holiday.

But wait, there’s more. If you need more personal turkey help, there’s a federal Meat and Poultry Hotline you can call and speak with a live government employee. Just think of the last time you sought “help” with your taxes from an IRS phone line. Of course, the government turkey hotline is only live from 5am to 11am Pacific time on Thanksgiving Day. After 11am you may have to rely on that for-profit turkey purveyor Butterball, which answers its Turkey Talk-Line until 4pm and even answers the phone starting at 4am on Thanksgiving.

Please understand I’m not suggesting that you use any but an official government, taxpayer/debt funded website or phone line to get your turkey tip information. But if you’re going to ignore my advice and feel particularly rebellious this Thanksgiving, you might want to watch this State Farm video featuring “Duck Dynasty” turkey safety tips.

No matter how you glean your turkey safety and cooking tips, let’s be careful out there. After all, who could know more about turkeys than the federal government?

Steve Buckstein is Founder, Senior Policy Analyst, and Satirist-in-Residence at Cascade Policy Institute, Oregon’s free market public policy research organization.


  • Bob Clark

    Americans with European ancestral lines are not suppose to celebrate Thanksgiving anymore according our state monopoly public school system. We must instead carry heavy guilt for our lot in life, because it was stolen. When we endeavor to make ends meet and provide the state of Oregon and Uncle Sam their shackles, we must remember “we didn’t make that.”

    I am thankful to not take the guilt bate laid out by our Authoritarian state government and its subsidiaries.

    Be happy and ignore the so-called troubles in the shadows government continually tries to use to control us.

    • sol668

      Its amazing that to conservatives

      the genocide of native peoples is a point of pride

      • Eric Blair


        And I seriously doubt many public schools have gone to the trouble of actually telling students that they SHOULDN’T celebrate Thanksgiving. Just another faux controversy like the “War on Christmas”. If Conservatives can’t be outraged at everything, they’re probably not breathing.

        Although, if the public schools are telling the real story of our country’s relationship with Native Americans, I can understand their concern. It’s very difficult to live in your fantasy world when people keep trying to intrude with, you know, facts. Really does a number on the narrative.

        • Period!

          To sol668 and Eric: Bull fanolooky attends the minions CONstipated in your bLair! Omen succors, take John 3:16 as a light unto your misguided souls. Selah and Maranatha.

          • Eric Blair

            Matthew 7:1-3

          • J. Q. Public

            Matthew 19:24
            Mark 10:25
            Luke 18:25

          • Koran innerstnd


          • Iman tool


  • J. Q. Public

    Steve, you’re welcome to move to the libertarian paradise of Somalia.

    Oh, and can you point to the articles you wrote opposing the invasion and occupation of Iraq, and the many billions of dollars it cost?

  • J. Q. Public

    “Libertarians” and “conservatives” are penny-kinda smart and Pound-really stupid.

    Steve is complaining about something the government is doing that likely costs very little, and may actually help people.

    Where was Steve, and the other people who contribute to Oregon Catalyst, when we were heading toward the disastrous and expensive Iraq invasion and occupation? At best, they were silent, but many were actually cheering on this colossal waste of money.

    • guest

      Whoppa palooza GrEEK nutritional squad attends your desk flop convulsons, JQP?
      Rally now, suggest you desert your storm and find a spider hole to lurk and hope there’s no red hour glassed figure seeing you as a repast.

      • J. Q. Public

        What drugs are YOU on?

        • guest

          Less’n you appear to be Dem doped up on, MR!

  • J. Q. Public

    Dear Right Wingers:

    Please grow up!

    You are where you are because of your own hard work, but also because of the assistance of many other people, including people working for the government.

    It may be okay for toddlers to think they’ve done things all by themselves, but it is dysfunctional in the extreme for adults to think that way. Unfortunately, these adult children have far too much power in our country right now, and they are messing things up for everyone, including themselves.

    • guest

      ‘Peers your pelvis left the building some time ago, butt your cranium remains on the loading dock bound for disGraceland.

  • Pingback: Blue Coaster()

  • Pingback: Click Here()

  • Pingback: mp4 mobile porn()

  • Pingback: car parking()

  • Pingback: pay day loans()

  • Pingback: bottled alkaline water()

  • Pingback: parking()

  • Pingback: electrician bible apk download()

  • Pingback: k&l electricians()

  • Pingback: see this here()

  • Pingback: plumbing supplies denver()

  • Pingback: house blue()

  • Pingback: electrician gloves small()

  • Pingback: payment plan()

  • Pingback: water ionizer()

  • Pingback: alkaline water()

  • Pingback: water ionizer payment plan()