by Jeff Anderson
The best laid plans.
My lunch hour was to be spent taking my car through DEQ to pass the magic emission test and get new tags. I read the instructions provided by DEQ on how to prepare for my test.
I had all the paperwork ready, I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, brought a blood & urine sample along with driver’s license, passport, proof of address, proof of insurance, registration, title, cash and a happy attitude….attitude is everything.
I was greeted by a cheerful lady as I drove up, she put me through my first quiz, which I passed and she directed me to Lane #3.
After waiting in line, watching cars getting probed up the tailpipe (I’m over 50 so I can sympathize) it was finally my turn.
I exited the car while the attendant plugged in the computer and inserted the tailpipe probe. After he chatted me up, he informed me that I FAILED.
I don’t take failure lightly; I have been studying for this. I had all my paperwork in line and I even took the car in for service, new tires and a full detail just prior to my visit. This is a good solid car, 46,000 miles that I’m going to sell next week. I thought I would be a good guy and get new tags to save the new owner the expense and hassle.
The DEQ employee explained that the reason I failed was because I had the car serviced……apparently if you have your car serviced, tuned and cared for just prior to coming into DEQ it will fail because the computer doesn’t like it. I was advised to “drive around for 5 days and come back….everything should be fine.”
I hope that whoever came up with the idea of DEQ and implementing the ritual of the visits to pay for a tailpipe probe is rewarded with a beautiful vacation in which his room is infested with rabid bedbugs and e coli-ridden welcome treats.